Frodo: "I was injured a year ago today - the memory is very heavy. Oh where shall I find peace?"

(Gandalf refuses to give Frodo a STRAIGHT ANSWER or indeed ANY answer WHATSOEVER. Luckily, Frodo has got OVER it by the next day. They pass Weathertop, Frodo is NERVOUS and eventually they reach Bree. The WELCOME they get is less ENTHUSIASTIC than they EXPECTED.)

Butterbur: "Lots of strange things have been happening. Some killings, a shortage of pipe-weed and bandits on the road."

Gandalf: "Don't worry: the King'll deal with all this stuff."

Butterbur: "Huh?"

Merry: "Do we have to draw you a diagram? Strider is the King."

Butterbur: "Gotcha. Oh yeah, your pony came back."

Sam: "Yippee!"

* * *

(Gandalf SUGGESTS that Saruman could have something to do with the strange EVENTS in the Shire and Merry says it won't be a PROBLEM since Gandalf will be able to fix it.)

Gandalf: "Oh no. Not me. After years of meddling and interfering in what was wrong with other people's lives, I'm off for a holiday. I'm gonna swing by Bombadil's and have a chat. Adios!"

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Tags: straight answer, killing, king

(Sam EVENTUALLY picks himself up off the FLOOR, finds another WAY into the tower and discovers a LOT of DEAD Orcs. The RING starts to POSSESS him but he RESISTS it in the followsing manner:)

Sam: "Possession? Ha! I laugh in the face of possession!"

(He uses Galadrial's PRESENT to get past the stone WATCHERS at the door. He searches some MORE, SINGS and finds Frodo BUTT naked and being WHIPPED [don't ask] by an Orc called Snaga. This decidedly NARKS Sam off. R.I.P. Snaga.)

Frodo: "Oooh, what happened?"

Sam: "Don't ask."

(Sam thus takes the opportunity of not giving Frodo a STRIAGHT ANSWER. Frodo WHINES about losing the RING. Sam CASUALLY explains that he has the RING. Frodo takes the opportunity to INSULT him, then unconvincingly BLAMES it on the RING and they DECK themselves out in Orc gear.)

Sam: "We've got to get out of here!"

Frodo: "Never mind that, we need food."

(They EAT and use Galadrial's PRESENT again. A BLACK RIDER turns up and does NOTHING.)
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Tags: dead, ring, presents, singing, don't ask, narked off, straight answer, opportunity, whining, insults, black rider, eating

(The Riders of Rohan reach Dunharrow and Théoden INSISTS on joining the EXPEDITION. They get NEWS of Gandalf and a BLACK RIDER and Éwoyn is still UNHAPPY about Aragorn taking the Paths of the Dead.)

Éomer: "We've had it."

(Merry is CONFUSED about why everyone is so UPSET, ASKS about the Paths of the Dead and FINALLY gets a TASTE of how it FEELS not to get a STRAIGHT ANSWER.)

* * *

(Théoden RECIEVES the Red Arrow from Gondor and TELLS the messenger (Hirgon) that it will take a WEEK for the Riders of Rohan to come Gondor's RESCUE.)

Hirgon: "We're all going to be dead by then - still you might give the Orcs and Southerners a nasty shock."

Théoden: "True, true."

* * *

(Merry is ANNOYED at the idea of being left BEHIND, falls ASLEEP and wakes up to FIND that DARKNESS has FLOWED out of MORDOR [don't ask]. Théoden ORDERS the Muster of Rohan; Merry gets some ARMOUR and the Riders of Rohan SING. Merry is ORDERED to stay with Éowyn, but a Rider (Dernhelm) has a PROVERB to SHARE and OFFERS to HIDE him under his CLOAK [don't ask] and take him to war.)

Merry: "Yippee!"

(Dernhelm's horse isn't too BOTHERED about the extra WEIGHT because Dernhelm is SMALLER than MOST. As they get CLOSER to Gondor, everyone gets DEPRESSED.)

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Tags: insistence, black rider, confusion, straight answer, annoyance, Mordor, don't ask, singing, proverbs, depressed

Faramir: "So, the odd looking creature down there - kill it, yay or nay?"

Frodo: "No!"

Gollum: "Fissh!"

Frodo: "Nice Sméagol, come here or I'll curse you..."

Gollum: "Coming!"

* * *

(Faramir gives Frodo FREE reign through Gondor for a year and TELLS him not to TRUST Gollum.)

Faramir: "You must not go to Cirith Ungol."

Frodo: "Why not?"

(Faramir is UNABLE to give Frodo a STRAIGHT ANSWER and SAYS that Gollum is EVIL.)

Frodo: "Whatever."

Faramir: "Have some food before you leave. If you survive this little escapade then we'll have a chat about it then. Bye!"

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Tags: trust, unable, straight answer

(Frodo TELLS Faramir he's not hiding anything, but Faramir doesn't BELIEVE him and asks QUESTIONS about why he's hanging around Mordor. Drawing on past EXPERIENCE, Frodo refuses to give Faramir a STRAIGHT ANSWER. Instead, he TALKS about Aragorn and his SWORD and everyone is IMPRESSED. Except for Faramir, who isn't. Eventually, Frodo TELLS him a strategically ABRIDGED version of events and LEARNS that Boromir and Faramir were brothers. Then they TRUDGE to some CAVES for DINNER.)

* * *

(After DINNER and a quick LESSON in TABLE MANNERS, Frodo TELLS Faramir about his Boromir's part in the Company.)

Frodo: "Yeah, Boromir was a great bloke - liked a good skirmish."

Faramir: "Indeed! He was the most valiant of our people. There was no-one braver or more honourable."

Sam: "Yup. Except for that time when he tried to steal the One Ring from Frodo."

Frodo: "Sam, you're a prat."

Faramir: "The One Ring! Well, what a piece of luck! Never fear, though, I'm not much into the Dark Lord's jewellery - I don't want it. What are you going to do with it?"

Frodo: "Melt it."

(Frodo FAINTS, Faramir TUCKS him into BED and Sam SAYS that Faramir REMINDS him of a WIZARD [don't ask].)

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Tags: straight answer, impressed, sword, learning, trudging, eating, ring, prat, fainting, bed

Frodo: "What the hell happened?"

(Everyone is UNABLE to give Frodo a STRAIGHT ANSWER. Next day Strider finds the BLACK RIDER'S knife and the BLADE disappears in a PUFF of SMOKE [don't ask].)

Strider: "Oooh, that's not good."

* * *

(They TRUDGE towards Rivendell, Frodo has lots of NIGHTMARES and Sam WHINES.)

* * *

Pippin: "Arrgh! Trolls!"

Strider: "Idiot:

• Family history;
• Broad daylight;
• Made of stone;
• Bird's nest behind ear."

(Sam SINGS and they TRUDGE on.)

* * *

Strider: "Glorfindel!"

(They put Frodo on Glorfindel's horse and get AMBUSHED by the BLACK RIDERS. Glorfindel's horse ESCAPES and the BLACK RIDERS are WASHED away by the RIVER. Frodo FAINTS.)

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Tags: unable, straight answer, black rider, blade, puff, smoke, don't ask, trudging, nightmares, whining, singing, ambushed, escape, washed, river, fainting

Strider: "I've got information."

Frodo: "What information?"

(Strider DECLINES to give Frodo a STRAIGHT ANSWER, but RAMBLES on until it becomes apparent that he has no USEFUL information.)

* * *

Butterbur: "Here's a letter from Gandalf that I forgot to post."

(The LETTER tells Frodo to TRUST Strider.)

Strider: "So, you gonna let me come along?"

Frodo: "Whatever."

* * *

Merry: "I followed a Black Rider, then I fainted."

Strider: "Idiot. You'd all better sleep in my room."

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Tags: declines, straight answer, rambling on, useless, letters, trust, black rider

Gandalf: "I'm off, but I'll be back before you leave."

(He isn't. Mostly LONG-WINDED stuff involving EATING happens. They meet a BLACK RIDER.)

Frodo: "I don't like the look of this."

(They hide, Frodo is TEMPTED by the RING and then the BLACK RIDER leaves. More EATING and SINGING occurs.)

* * *

Sam: "Elves! Yay!"

Elves: "Oooh, Hobbits!"

Frodo: "Can we tag along with you?"

Elves: "Nope."

Frodo: "But we're being chased by Black Riders."

Gildor: "Oh all right. Come on then."

(They EAT, make MERRY [don't ask] and the Elves refuse to give Frodo a STRAIGHT ANSWER. Then they fall asleep and the Elves scarper.)

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Tags: long-winded, eating, black rider, temptation, ring, singing, don't ask, straight answer

Frodo: "So, what's the deal with my ring?"

Gandalf: "It's a Great Elven ring - it may possess you."

Frodo: "Oh."

Gandalf: "And it could turn you into a compulsive liar."

(Gandalf takes the RING from Frodo and throws it in the FIRE; LETTERS appear on it.)

Gandalf: "This is the One Ring and it is very evil."

Frodo: "How come I get it?"

(Gandalf goes off on a long EXPLANATION about the HISTORY of the RING and Sauron, the Dark Lord of MORDOR, but never gives Frodo a STRAIGHT ANSWER.)

Gandalf: "Here's the problem though: Sauron knows about it and he's gonna get you."

(Frodo WHINES a lot and then decides to LEAVE the Shire.)

Gandalf: "That's a good idea. I'm surprised you thought of it. Call yourself "Mr. Underhill" and take Sam with you."

Sam: "Yippee!"
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Tags: ring, fire, letters, explanation, history, Mordor, straight answer, whining, leaving