Book VI, Chapter 4: I'm Not Ready To

(The Army of the West (Aragorn's gang) are HORRIBLY outnumbered and are losing SPECTACUARLY. Luckily, the Eagles SAVE the day.)

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Frodo: "Whatever. Time to die."

Sam: "But I'm not ready to die!"

Frodo: "Tough."

(Luckily, the Eagles and Gandalf SAVE the day. They all meet up with Aragorn and a minstrel SINGS about Frodo and Sam. There is a big REUNION FEAST; all the Hobbits are REUNITED and Merry and Pippin BRAG about their new-found CREDIBILITY. Sam is baffled by the STORIES he hears, Legolas SINGS as he goes to the SEA and everyone goes to bed.)

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Book IV, Chapter 5: Tucks Him Into Bed

(Frodo TELLS Faramir he's not hiding anything, but Faramir doesn't BELIEVE him and asks QUESTIONS about why he's hanging around Mordor. Drawing on past EXPERIENCE, Frodo refuses to give Faramir a STRAIGHT ANSWER. Instead, he TALKS about Aragorn and his SWORD and everyone is IMPRESSED. Except for Faramir, who isn't. Eventually, Frodo TELLS him a strategically ABRIDGED version of events and LEARNS that Boromir and Faramir were brothers. Then they TRUDGE to some CAVES for DINNER.)

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(After DINNER and a quick LESSON in TABLE MANNERS, Frodo TELLS Faramir about his Boromir's part in the Company.)

Frodo: "Yeah, Boromir was a great bloke - liked a good skirmish."

Faramir: "Indeed! He was the most valiant of our people. There was no-one braver or more honourable."

Sam: "Yup. Except for that time when he tried to steal the One Ring from Frodo."

Frodo: "Sam, you're a prat."

Faramir: "The One Ring! Well, what a piece of luck! Never fear, though, I'm not much into the Dark Lord's jewellery - I don't want it. What are you going to do with it?"

Frodo: "Melt it."

(Frodo FAINTS, Faramir TUCKS him into BED and Sam SAYS that Faramir REMINDS him of a WIZARD [don't ask].)

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Book II, Chapter 1: I Had Better Things To Do

Frodo: "What the...?"

Gandalf: "Chill out, we're in Rivendell."

Frodo: "Where did you get to?"

Gandalf: "I'll tell you later."

(He TELLS Frodo EVERYTHING anyway.)

Frodo: "So the Black Riders are all gone?"

Gandalf: "That kinda depends on your definition of 'gone'."

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(Later Frodo gets UP, meets the OTHERS and goes to a FEAST. Arwen SAYS and DOES nothing; Frodo CHATS with Glóin and SEES Bilbo.)

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Bilbo: "The Dúnedain! I didn't see you loitering around Arwen earlier."

Strider: "I had better things to do."

(Bilbo RECITES a very LONG poem and everyone goes to BED.)

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Book I, Chapter 5: We Need Food

Sam: "Oh no, another Black Rider!"

Frodo: "Never mind that, we need food."

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(They TRUDGE to Crickhollow. Merry and Pippin take a LONG time telling Frodo he's STUCK with them.)

Frodo: "Thank God!"

(They SING and go to BED.)

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