Appendix B: The Tale of Years (Chronology of the Westlands)
- First Age - big battle, Morgoth OVERTHROWN.
- Second Age - big battle, Sauron OVERTHROWN.
- Third Age - big battle, Sauron overthrown AGAIN.)
The First
Age
Tolkien: "No comment."
The Second Age
(GOOD for the Númenoreans, BAD for the Men of
Middle-earth; Elves RULE.)
* * *
(An UNSPARING and UNFETTERED list of events
and dates.)
The Third Age
(BAD for everybody. WIZARDS show up.)
* * *
(An UNRELENTING and MULTIFARIOUS list of
events and dates.)
The Chief Days From the Fall of Barad-dûr
to the end of the Third Age
(An UNNECESSARY and OVERTLY-PEDANTIC list of
events and dates.)
Later Events Concerning the Members of
the Fellowship of the Ring
(An EXPENDABLE and IMPLAUSIBLE list of events
and dates.)
Book III, Chapter 7: Seriously Kill Me Some Orc
Aragorn: "Arrgh!"
(They are losing SPECTACULARLY and everyone RETREATS.)
* * *
Théoden: "Right, that's it! No
more Mr. Nice King! At dawn I'm gonna seriously
kill me some Orc! You want in?"
Aragorn: "Yup."
* * *
(Aragorn goes
OUTSIDE to have a quick GANDER at the
opposition.)
Orcs: "We are the fighting
Uruk-hai!" [Repeat many times for full effect.]
(Aragorn WARNS them that they are all going
to DIE, acts very KINGLY and everyone is
IMPRESSED. Except the Uruk-hai, who aren't. Then
the Riders sound HELM'S HORN and charge, the Orcs
are WORRIED and run away. Gandalf turns up with
Erkenbrand and finishes off Saruman's ARMY.)