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Book I, Chapter 9: Your Friends Are Idiots

29 September 3018
Frodo: "Who's the dude in the corner?"

Innkeeper (Butterbur): "He's a Ranger called Strider."

Strider: "Your friends are idiots; how about being discrete?"

(Frodo puts the RING on instead.)

Strider: "You're an idiot too; how about being discrete?"

Butterbur: "What was the vanishing act about?"

Frodo: "Nothing much."

Butterbur: "Fine. Oh, I just remembered - I have to tell you something."

Frodo: "Wonderful."
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Book I, Chapter 7: Don't Be A Prat

27 September 3018
(Frodo becomes SMITTEN with Goldberry and SINGS, as does Bombadil. Everyone has NIGHTMARES. Except Sam, who doesn't. Next day it RAINS a lot. After dinner, Bombadil takes the RING but isn't AFFECTED by it. Frodo suspects DECEIT, puts the RING on and VANISHES.)

Tom Bombadil: "Frodo, don't be a prat."

(Frodo takes the RING off, grins SHEEPISHLY and then Bombadil SINGS some more.)
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Book I, Chapter 1: Always Knew He Was Wacked

22 September 3001
Hobbits: "That Bilbo Baggins is a freak; we only put up with him 'cuz he's rich."

* * *

Gandalf: "Nice garden."

Bilbo: "Thanks. First I'm gonna have a party and then I'm outta here."

(At the PARTY, Bilbo gives a SPEECH insulting everyone. But they're too STUPID to realise.)

Bilbo: "Adios."

(He puts on the RING and VANISHES.)

Rory Brandybuck: "Always knew he was wacked."


* * *

Gandalf: "Give that ring to Frodo."

Bilbo: "No! It's mine!"

(He leaves the RING to Frodo anyway.)

* * *

Frodo: "A ring! Cool!"

Gandalf: "I've been thinking: it could be dangerous."

Frodo: "I don't get it."

Gandalf: "Me neither. I'm off to find out more; don't wait up."

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