(Pippin FINDS out that he is pretty much ornamental, gets DECKED out in the ARMOUR of the Tower Guard and is given a TEMPORARY job as Denethor's esquire, but becomes WORRIED when he is TOLD that one of his DUTIES is to SING. Gandalf RESCUES Faramir from the BLACK RIDERS and everyone is HAPPY to see Faramir ALIVE. Except for Denethor, who isn't.)

Faramir: "I say, last time I was here there weren't any Hobbits in the Tower Guard."

Gandalf: "New ornament."

(Gandalf is WORRIED that Frodo went to Cirith Ungol and Denethor WHINES about Faramir being ALIVE rather than Boromir.)

Faramir: "Hey, you sent him on that mission."

Denethor: "I wish I hadn't. You're useless - at least Boromir would have bought me a nice shiny Ring."

Gandalf: "Don't be a prat."

* * *

(Everyone feels SORRY for Faramir but no-one COMPLAINS when he gets sent to the FRONT (the Fields of Pelennor). NEWS arrives that Faramir is FIGHTING a lost CAUSE because the Lord of the NAZGÛL is on a ROLL and Gandalf RIDES off to HELP Faramir. It doesn't do much GOOD and the Men of Gondor get their ARSES KICKED. Faramir is INJURED and more of the MORDOR army turns up.)

Gandalf: "There's no way the Riders of Rohan can help now. We've had it."

* * *

(The army of MORDOR catapult DEAD-HEADS into the first circle of the City; Denethor is a walking CLOUD of DEPRESSION and REFUSES to leave his SON'S room. He DECIDES to KILL himself and Faramir but Pippin shows some INITIATIVE and RUNS off to FIND Gandalf. The Enemy BUSTS through the Gate and the Lord of the NAZGÛL gloats.)

Lord of the Nazgûl: "Ha ha, I win, you lose! Tee hee!"

(Gandalf is talking TOUGH when the Riders of Rohan FINALLY arrive.)

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Tags: worried, singing, rescued, black rider, happy, alive, whining, prat, fighting, Mordor, depressed, decision

(They ESCAPE Cirith Ungol, OBSESS about water and Frodo notices the RING is very, very, very HEAVY. They figure out that the War isn't going so well for Sauron, but are WORRIED when they see a HUGE army of Orcs and Men in the DISTANCE.)

Sam: "We're screwed."

Frodo: "Whatever."

(They listen to an ARGUMENT between two orcs and LEARN the Gollum is HANGING around. They TRUDGE along, get MISTAKEN for orcs and are forced to MARCH to Udûn. It's all looking pretty GRIM for the Hobbits but LOTS of Orc companies RUN into each other and so they ESCAPE in the CONFUSION. Frodo FAINTS.)
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Tags: escape, obsession, ring, worried, argument, learning, trudging, confusion, fainting

(Merry is LONELY and the Wild Men OFFER to lead the Riders to Minas Tirith by the only UNOCCUPIED road left. They FIND out that the MESSENGERS they sent to Gondor are DEAD and Théoden is WORRIED that Denethor will not know they're COMING, but Éomer takes the opportunity to CONSOLE him with a PROVERB. They arrive just in TIME to see the Gate give way; Merry QUESTIONS the wisdom of coming after all, Théoden URGES his men on with a SONG and then the REST of the Riders SING as they FIGHT.)
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Tags: lonely, dead, worried, opportunity, proverbs, singing, fighting

(There is a CHANGE in the original PLAN and everyone rides to HELM'S DEEP. There is a BATTLE; Gimli RESCUES Éomer from CERTAIN death and he and Legolas start COMPETING for most KILLS. The Orcs BLAST a hole in the wall.)

Aragorn: "Arrgh!"

(They are losing SPECTACULARLY and everyone RETREATS.)

* * *

Théoden: "Right, that's it! No more Mr. Nice King! At dawn I'm gonna seriously kill me some Orc! You want in?"

Aragorn: "Yup."

* * *

(Aragorn goes OUTSIDE to have a quick GANDER at the opposition.)

Orcs: "We are the fighting Uruk-hai!" [Repeat many times for full effect.]

(Aragorn WARNS them that they are all going to DIE, acts very KINGLY and everyone is IMPRESSED. Except the Uruk-hai, who aren't. Then the Riders sound HELM'S HORN and charge, the Orcs are WORRIED and run away. Gandalf turns up with Erkenbrand and finishes off Saruman's ARMY.)

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Tags: plan, battle, rescued, killing, competition, spectacular, warning, dead, impressed, worried

(The gang TRUDGE through the hills towards some MARSHES and Gollum SINGS [don't ask]. Sam is WORRIED that Gollum wants to EAT them - especially since he doesn't LIKE lembas.)

Sam: "We've only got a few supplies left - what's going to happen after we've destroyed the Ring?"

Frodo: "Who cares? We're all gonna die anyway."

* * *

(They TRUDGE through the Dead Marshes for DAYS and see a BLACK RIDER. Frodo starts to NOTICE the RING is getting very HEAVY and Gollum has an ARGUMENT with himself about whether or not to KILL Frodo and Sam.)

* * *

Gollum: "Arrgh! Black Riderss - the Dark Lord iss on to uss!"

(Everyone IGNORES him and they TRUDGE towards MORDOR some MORE.)

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Tags: trudging, singing, worried, eating, black rider, ring, argument, killing, ignoring, Mordor

Frodo: "Let's take a short cut."

Pippin: "Damn, I wanted to go to the pub."

(They TRUDGE through a lot of FIELDS, see another BLACK RIDER and TRUDGE on some more.)

* * *

Pippin: "Check it out! Farmer Maggot's patch! He's got some really psychopathic dogs!"

Frodo: "Arrgh!"

* * *

Maggot: "Have dinner, while I tell you about some Black Riders."

(They stay, get WORRIED and then Maggot gives them a LIFT to the Ferry.)

* * *

Maggot: "Mr. Merry!"

Merry: "Hya!"

Maggot: "Here's some mushrooms."

Frodo: "Tasty!"

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Tags: trudging, fields, black rider, worried, lift