Appendix A-I-i: Númenor
Six of the Eldar and the Edain get HITCHED over the years:
- Lúthien Tinúviel and Beren
- Idril and Tuor
- Arwen and Aragorn.
- Lúthien (Eldar [= Elf]) and Beren (Edain [= Man]) have a SON, Dior and a DAUGHTER, Elwing.
- Idril (Eldar [= Elf]) and Tuor (Edain [= Man]) have a SON, Eärendil.
- Eärendil gets HITCHED to Elwing and OVERTHROWS Morgoth. They have two SONS, Elros and Elrond.)
(The Edain get their own PAD called Númenor; they live for a LONG time, but want MORE. Some KING or other with an UNPRONOUNCEABLE name tries to DEFEAT Sauron, who PLAYS up to the KING'S ego and turns the Númenoreans EVIL. R.I.P. Númenor. Elendil and his SONS, Isildur and Anárion, are really the only ones of IMPORTANCE in later Númenorean HISTORY. They LAND on Middle-earth and set up Arnor and Gondor. Elendil RULES the North, while his SONS RULE the South: they build a few CITIES bordering MORDOR and BELIEVE Sauron has SNUFFED it. They are WRONG. In the following war, the Last Alliance KICKS Sauron's ARSE and Isidur takes the One RING. R.I.P. the Second Age.)
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Book VI, Chapter 4: I'm Not Ready To
* * *
(Elsewhere:)
Frodo: "Whatever. Time to die."
Sam: "But I'm not ready to die!"
Frodo: "Tough."
(Luckily, the Eagles and Gandalf SAVE the
day. They all meet up with Aragorn and a minstrel
SINGS about Frodo and Sam. There is a big REUNION
FEAST; all the Hobbits are REUNITED and Merry and
Pippin BRAG about their new-found CREDIBILITY.
Sam is baffled by the STORIES he hears, Legolas
SINGS as he goes to the SEA and everyone goes to
bed.)
Book V, Chapter 10: The Two Rodents
Aragorn: "Oi, Sauron, come out and fight, if you think you're hard enough!"
Mouth of Sauron: "Thanks for the two rodents you sent us. Give up or we'll torture them for eternity!"
Gandalf: "Take a hike."
(The Gate OPENS and the HOSTS of MORDOR surround them. The sun goes down, the NAZGÛL show up and the gang know they are going to lose SPECTACULARLY. Beregond is KNOCKED down by a troll-chief who Pippin STABS. Pippin is about to FAINT after nearly being SQUASHED by the troll-chief when he hears people SHOUTING something about Eagles. He FAINTS.)
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Book III, Chapter 7: Seriously Kill Me Some Orc
Aragorn: "Arrgh!"
(They are losing SPECTACULARLY and everyone RETREATS.)
* * *
Théoden: "Right, that's it! No
more Mr. Nice King! At dawn I'm gonna seriously
kill me some Orc! You want in?"
Aragorn: "Yup."
* * *
(Aragorn goes
OUTSIDE to have a quick GANDER at the
opposition.)
Orcs: "We are the fighting
Uruk-hai!" [Repeat many times for full effect.]
(Aragorn WARNS them that they are all going
to DIE, acts very KINGLY and everyone is
IMPRESSED. Except the Uruk-hai, who aren't. Then
the Riders sound HELM'S HORN and charge, the Orcs
are WORRIED and run away. Gandalf turns up with
Erkenbrand and finishes off Saruman's ARMY.)