(Saruman has indeed taken over the Shire. Merry and Pippin, instead of resorting to their usual DEFAULT state of being EFFECTIVELY INEFFECTIVE, spontaneously become BRILLIANT tacticians and lead an ASSAULT on Saruman's Men. They KILL a bunch of them. Sam LEARNS that Rosie is SMITTEN with him. Saruman is in the middle of GLOATING when the terminally deranged Wormtongue KILLS him. The Hobbits, never keen to MISS an opportunity, then KILL Wormtongue.)
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Tags: killing, learning, smitten, opportunity

(They ESCAPE Cirith Ungol, OBSESS about water and Frodo notices the RING is very, very, very HEAVY. They figure out that the War isn't going so well for Sauron, but are WORRIED when they see a HUGE army of Orcs and Men in the DISTANCE.)

Sam: "We're screwed."

Frodo: "Whatever."

(They listen to an ARGUMENT between two orcs and LEARN the Gollum is HANGING around. They TRUDGE along, get MISTAKEN for orcs and are forced to MARCH to Udûn. It's all looking pretty GRIM for the Hobbits but LOTS of Orc companies RUN into each other and so they ESCAPE in the CONFUSION. Frodo FAINTS.)
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Tags: escape, obsession, ring, worried, argument, learning, trudging, confusion, fainting

(Frodo TELLS Faramir he's not hiding anything, but Faramir doesn't BELIEVE him and asks QUESTIONS about why he's hanging around Mordor. Drawing on past EXPERIENCE, Frodo refuses to give Faramir a STRAIGHT ANSWER. Instead, he TALKS about Aragorn and his SWORD and everyone is IMPRESSED. Except for Faramir, who isn't. Eventually, Frodo TELLS him a strategically ABRIDGED version of events and LEARNS that Boromir and Faramir were brothers. Then they TRUDGE to some CAVES for DINNER.)

* * *

(After DINNER and a quick LESSON in TABLE MANNERS, Frodo TELLS Faramir about his Boromir's part in the Company.)

Frodo: "Yeah, Boromir was a great bloke - liked a good skirmish."

Faramir: "Indeed! He was the most valiant of our people. There was no-one braver or more honourable."

Sam: "Yup. Except for that time when he tried to steal the One Ring from Frodo."

Frodo: "Sam, you're a prat."

Faramir: "The One Ring! Well, what a piece of luck! Never fear, though, I'm not much into the Dark Lord's jewellery - I don't want it. What are you going to do with it?"

Frodo: "Melt it."

(Frodo FAINTS, Faramir TUCKS him into BED and Sam SAYS that Faramir REMINDS him of a WIZARD [don't ask].)

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Tags: straight answer, impressed, sword, learning, trudging, eating, ring, prat, fainting, bed

(Frodo, Sam and Gollum TRUDGE south; the SCENERY is much nicer and they take a BREAK.)

Sam: "Oi! Gollum, food, now!"

* * *

Sam: "Ohh, coneys." [Rabbits.]

(He STEWS the rabbits, much to Gollum's ANNOYANCE. Sam GRUMBLES about the LACK of potatoes.)

* * *

Frodo: "Voices!"

Faramir: "I'm Faramir, Captain of these very well camouflaged men here - we are from Gondor."

Frodo: "I'm Frodo, this is Sam and we knew a dude called Boromir of Gondor."

Soldiers: "Boromir! Boromir! Boromir!" [Echo effect necessary.]

Faramir: "Fascinating! I'd like to stay and chat but we've got to dash - lots of killing to do. I'll leave two guards and talk to you later!"

* * *

(Frodo CHATS with the guards, LEARNS that the Men of the South are EVIL and there is a BIG fight.)

Sam: "An Oliphaunt! Cool! I'm off to sleep."

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Tags: trudging, eating, annoyance, grumbling, chatting, learning, fighting

(The REMAINING Riders, Gandalf and the others take the ROAD to Isengard, LEARN that the Ents have OVERTHROWN Saruman and MEET up with Merry and Pippin.)

Gimli: "We spent days running after you and you're sat here stuffing your faces!"

Legolas: "Good point well made."

Pippin: "Spoils of war. Get over it."

(Théoden and Gandalf RIDE off to FIND Treebeard.)
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Tags: learning, overthrow

Rider of Rohan: "By the way, we've become very xenophobic recently - hey, are those our horses?"

Aragorn: "Yup."

* * *

(Later, the DOORMAN (Háma) wants to take their WEAPONS; Aragorn doesn't want to give up his SWORD and Gandalf wants to keep his STAFF. Finally, Aragorn gives in and Háma takes the OPPORTUNITY to share a PROVERB. Gandalf gets to keep his STAFF. Théoden doesn't look too HOT [don't ask].)

Gandalf: "I'm back!"

Théoden: "Do I look happy to see you?"

(Wormtongue says that Théoden’s son is DEAD and that Éomer can't be TRUSTED. He and Gandalf take the OPPORTUNITY to swap PROVERBS and Gandalf SINGS.)

Gandalf: "You gonna listen to me now?"

Théoden: "Sure."

(Éowyn arrives, SAYS and DOES nothing and is QUICKLY sent away again by Gandalf. Éomer is RELEASED from prison, Théoden is FILLED IN in on recent EVENTS and LEARNS that Wormtongue is a TRAITOR. Éowyn is SMITTEN with Aragorn and Théoden can't THINK of anyone to RULE Rohan for a bit until Háma remembers and suggests Éowyn. Everyone else RIDES out towards Isengard.)

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Tags: sword, opportunity, proverbs, staff, don't ask, dead, trust, singing, learning, traitor, smitten

(There is a big ARGUMENT about whether they should go through the mines of MORIA. They DECIDE to do so and Aragorn and Boromir take the OPPORTUNITY to swap PROVERBS. Later, a PACK of WARGS attack and the gang kill a BUNCH of them.)

* * *

Gandalf: "Moria!"

(Legolas and Gimli BICKER about whose RACE fell out with whose FIRST. They find the DOOR but Gandalf can't OPEN it.)

Boromir: "You're not a very good wizard, are you?"

Gandalf: "Boromir, don't be a prat."

* * *

(Finally, the DOOR opens, Frodo is attacked by the WATCHER, they RUN inside the MINES and it closes the DOOR.)

Gandalf: "There go our options."

(They TRUDGE through MORIA, Sam WHINES about Bill (his PONY) a lot and they LEARN that Gimli's cousin is DEAD.)

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Tags: argument, decision, opportunity, proverbs, pack, bunch, bickering, trudging, pony, learning, dead

(The Council of Elrond is CALLED. The only NEW people of LONG-STANDING importance are:

• Gimli (DWARF)
• Legolas (ELF)
• Boromir (HUMAN)

Frodo LEARNS that Elrond is very OLD, that Isildur was a PRAT and Strider is a KING. Called Aragorn.)

* * *

Strider / Aragorn: "So, you want me to come and rule Gondor?"

Boromir: "We'd rather just have your sword."

Aragorn / Strider: "Tough."

* * *

(There is more DISCUSSION and Gandalf SPEAKS the language of MORDOR, much to everyone's ANNOYANCE. Frodo also LEARNS that the Elves of Mirkwood are USELESS.)

* * *

Gandalf: "Saruman is evil; he kidnapped me but I was rescued by an Eagle."

(Boromir wants to use the RING but is told "No!". NO-ONE wants to go to MORDOR; Frodo VOLUNTEERS and the rest of the COUNCIL heave a sigh of RELIEF. Sam INSISTS on GOING and Elrond makes a SARCASTIC comment. Sam GRUMBLES.)

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Tags: old, prat, king, discussion, speech, annoyance, learning, useless, ring, Mordor, relief, insistence, sarcasm, grumbling