pin-cushion
Appendix A-I-iv: Gondor and the Heirs of Anárion
06 October 3021
(Once Anárion DIES, KIDS start to be in short
SUPPLY [don't ask] and GREED and DECADENCE
abound.)
Source: "Kings came and went, but for Sauron it was a case of 'veni, vidi, vici, dude' [or would have been if Latin had been around then]."
(The Dúnedain start getting HITCHED to foreigners [don't ask]. Another PLAGUE strikes and Men are in short SUPPLY so they stop GUARDING Mordor.)
Sauron: "Opportunity knocks..."
(Wainriders ATTACK from the East, Sauron gives them a PEP-TALK and they REALLY give it some WELLY. The Wainriders are too SELF-SATISFIED and SMUG, yet COCKY, and Eärnil (Captain of the Southern Army) sends them PACKING.)
Source: "Arveduri was the direct descendant of Isildur, but the Council of Gondor didn't want him because he wasn't the direct descendant of Anárion [don't ask]. So they gave the job to Eärnil, who wasn't the direct descendent of either. Big mistake. Arvedui needed help when the Witch-king [the Lord of the Nazgûl, remember?] attacked, so Eärnil sent his son, Eärnur, but his timing was off. R.I.P. Arveduri. Better late than never, Eärnur then KICKED the Witch-king's ARSE. Then Eärnur and Glorfindel went on a killing-spree, but Eärnur's horse embarrassed him [don't ask] when the Witch-king turned up. Glorfindel [remember him? Book I, Chapter XII] charged at the Witch-king, who scarpered. Eärnur was decidedly narked but Glorfindel restrained him thus:
Glorfindel: "Whoa there big fella, we're not going to be the ones to kill him - maybe someone shorter... well, not a Man, anyway."
Source: "How prophetic."
Source: "Kings came and went, but for Sauron it was a case of 'veni, vidi, vici, dude' [or would have been if Latin had been around then]."
(The Dúnedain start getting HITCHED to foreigners [don't ask]. Another PLAGUE strikes and Men are in short SUPPLY so they stop GUARDING Mordor.)
Sauron: "Opportunity knocks..."
(Wainriders ATTACK from the East, Sauron gives them a PEP-TALK and they REALLY give it some WELLY. The Wainriders are too SELF-SATISFIED and SMUG, yet COCKY, and Eärnil (Captain of the Southern Army) sends them PACKING.)
Source: "Arveduri was the direct descendant of Isildur, but the Council of Gondor didn't want him because he wasn't the direct descendant of Anárion [don't ask]. So they gave the job to Eärnil, who wasn't the direct descendent of either. Big mistake. Arvedui needed help when the Witch-king [the Lord of the Nazgûl, remember?] attacked, so Eärnil sent his son, Eärnur, but his timing was off. R.I.P. Arveduri. Better late than never, Eärnur then KICKED the Witch-king's ARSE. Then Eärnur and Glorfindel went on a killing-spree, but Eärnur's horse embarrassed him [don't ask] when the Witch-king turned up. Glorfindel [remember him? Book I, Chapter XII] charged at the Witch-king, who scarpered. Eärnur was decidedly narked but Glorfindel restrained him thus:
Glorfindel: "Whoa there big fella, we're not going to be the ones to kill him - maybe someone shorter... well, not a Man, anyway."
Source: "How prophetic."
* * *
Source: "Minas Ithil was
kidnapped by the Nazgûl and renamed Minas Morgul.
Eärnur was good at fighting but he was also a bit
of a thickie, so when the Lord of the Nazgûl [the
Witch-king, remember?] taunted him, he trudged
off to prove his manliness. R.I.P. Eärnur. As the
descendants of the kings had senselessly
slaughtered themselves by this point, the Steward
(Mardil) got the job."
The Stewards
(IMPORTANT Ruling
Stewards are:
- Cirion - gives Eorl (the LEADER of the Rohirrim) a LARGE chunk of land, which they call Rohan.
- Ecthelion II - has an INFALLIBLE advisor called Thorongil, although no-one has a CLUE where he comes from. He likes Gandalf. A LOT.
- Denethor II - doesn't like Gandalf, goes MAD and does the HUMAN BARBECUE [don't ask]; his eldest SON Boromir also goes MAD and ends up looking like a PIN-CUSHION [don't ask].
- Faramir - is the only SANE one in the entire BUNCH and he doesn't get to RULE for long. [Two measly weeks to be precise, not even worth a MENTION in the list of Stewards. Poor sod].)
Book III, Chapter 1: Like A Pin-Cushion
26 February 3019
(They are AMBUSHED by Orcs, who KIDNAP Merry
and Pippin. Aragorn HEARS the Horn of Gondor and
FINDS Boromir looking like a PIN-CUSHION [don't
ask]. He promises to RESCUE Minas Tirith; Boromir
DIES and Aragorn WHINES.)
Legolas: "Ooops."
(They send Boromir's BODY downstream in a BOAT and Legolas and Aragorn take turns SINGING. After some SOUL-SEARCHING they follow the Orcs and Aragorn SPRINGS forward like a DEER [definitely don't ask].)
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Legolas: "Ooops."
(They send Boromir's BODY downstream in a BOAT and Legolas and Aragorn take turns SINGING. After some SOUL-SEARCHING they follow the Orcs and Aragorn SPRINGS forward like a DEER [definitely don't ask].)
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