Feb 3019

Book IV, Chapter 1: Slobbers Over Frodo

(Frodo and Sam are STUCK in the CLIFFS of the Emyn Muil. On the horizon, MORDOR glows red and looks very THREATENING.)

Sam: "Join the Company they said, see the world they said... Eek! That bog smells!"

Frodo: "Whatever."

(Frodo WHINES about going to MORDOR and Sam WHINES about only having lembas to EAT. They attempt to CLIMB down the CLIFF, see a BLACK RIDER and finally get down the CLIFF, thanks to Sam's ROPE - which, it turns out, is MAGICAL and COMES when Sam CALLS it.)


* * *

Gollum: "Where'ss my Preciouss?" [Repeat many times for full effect - double 's' vital.]

(Sam JUMPS on him, nearly gets STRANGLED and Frodo THEATENS to cut Gollum's THROAT.)

Gollum: "I'm jusst lonely!"

Frodo: "Whatever. Take us to Mordor or die!"

Gollum: "Arrgh! No! No!"

(He AGREES to take them anyway - after STAGING a small ESCAPE attempt. Gollum PROMISES not to try anything again, SLOBBERS over Frodo and they TRUDGE towards MORDOR.)

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Book III, Chapter 4: A Very Long-Winded Story

Treebeard: "Freaky little creatures, aren't you?"

Pippin: "Arrgh!"

* * *

(Treebeard takes them to his HOME, they EAT and DRINK and Treebeard SINGS. Later, he tells them a very LONG-WINDED story about ENTWIVES and SINGS some more. They go to the ENTMOOT. After two DAYS the Ents decide to OVERTHROW Saruman.)

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Book III, Chapter 3: Whines… Whined… Whines

(Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas RUN through Rohan and everyone WHINES. They meet the Riders of Rohan; there is a bit of an ARGUMENT, but Aragorn acts like a KING and everyone is IMPRESSED. Except for Éothain, who isn't.)

Éomer: "The Orcs are dead and no-one else was with them, but have these horses and see for yourselves."

(Gimli WHINES about having to ride a horse and the RIDERS OF ROHAN leave. Later, the gang receive a strange VISITATION from an OLD man and their horses DISAPPEAR. Gimli, having WHINED about riding a horse, now WHINES about the LACK of horses.)
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Book III, Chapter 2: Bicker Amongst Themselves

(Merry and Pippin RUN a lot with a bunch of Orcs from MORDOR and Saruman's Uruk-hai from ISENGARD, who BICKER amongst themselves and get AMBUSHED by the Riders of Rohan. Merry and Pippin ESCAPE into FANGORN FOREST and all the Orcs DIE.)
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Book III, Chapter 1: Like A Pin-Cushion

(They are AMBUSHED by Orcs, who KIDNAP Merry and Pippin. Aragorn HEARS the Horn of Gondor and FINDS Boromir looking like a PIN-CUSHION [don't ask]. He promises to RESCUE Minas Tirith; Boromir DIES and Aragorn WHINES.)

Legolas: "Ooops."

(They send Boromir's BODY downstream in a BOAT and Legolas and Aragorn take turns SINGING. After some SOUL-SEARCHING they follow the Orcs and Aragorn SPRINGS forward like a DEER [definitely don't ask].)
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Book II, Chapter 10: No Idea What To Do

Aragorn: "Okay, I've got no idea what to do now. Frodo, I'm passing the buck."

Frodo: "I haven't got a clue either. I'm off to think."


* * *

(Boromir finds Frodo in the WOODS, loses it TOTALLY, tries to take the RING and Frodo RUNS away. He NEARLY lets Sauron DISCOVER him, before HEADING for the BOATS.)


* * *

Aragorn: "Have you been annoying Frodo, Boromir?"

Boromir: "That and shouting. He put the Ring on and scarpered."

Aragorn: "Idiot."


* * *

(Everyone goes LOOKING for Frodo. SHOCKINGLY, Sam is the ONLY one who checks the BOATS. He nearly DROWNS, then Frodo and he head out towards MORDOR.)

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Book II, Chapter 9: Really Begins To Lose It

(The Company FLOAT along the Anduin for DAYS; Gollum FOLLOWS them and Boromir really begins to LOSE it in a BIG way. Orcs AMBUSH them, but do no DAMAGE. Aragorn keeps looking KINGLY and everyone is IMPRESSED. Except for Boromir, who isn't.)
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Book II, Chapter 8: Bosom Buddies

(Celeborn gives them BOATS and Boromir starts to be AFFECTED by the RING. Galadriel and Celeborn INVITE them to DINNER; they all get a BUNCH of other PRESENTS and LEAVE.)

Tolkien (aside): "By the way, Gimli and Legolas have become bosom buddies."
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